Getting Over Commitment Phobia

What is it about us guys and our commitment phobia? Ever since they were little girls, women look forward to their special day, their dream Hawaii wedding (or wherever), but most guys dread being tied down when they tie the knot. How can the average male feel more comfortable about taking the plunge?

Firstly, you need to understand the basic nature of men and women. Women grow by filling themselves up with love. They are symbolized by an empty vessel, like a cup, which aims to fill itself to the brim with Life, love and the abundance of the world. Women find meaning by going deeper into loving and caring, and being in a sexual relationship with a man (and possibly also having kids) is often the primary way they develop their love. From a spiritual perspective, you could say that women get to know God through love.

Guys, Tough, Strong, Wedding, Commitment Phobia

"Tough Guys" can still get married …

Men, on the other hand, are a different breed altogether. They thrive on cutting through constraints, limits and barriers, crashing through to freedom on the other side. Men find meaning in conquering their fears, rising to the challenge and bringing out the best in themselves, proving to the whole world their strength, endurance and trustworthiness. Hence a man’s primary purpose on earth is not his relationship; he may love his woman (and kids) dearly, but he still has his mission, the fulfilling of which drives him to be the best he can and always somehow leads to liberty in the end. From a spiritual perspective, you could say that men get to know God through freedom.

 There are only two fundamental emotions, love and fear, which are complete opposites. Since the achievement of freedom is the total banishing and conquering of fear, and since when fear is completely gone only love can remain, you can say that love and freedom are ultimately the same thing, or two sides of the same coin. Thus from a spiritual perspective women and men realize God by traversing different paths, but they ultimately arrive at the same mountain peak.

So there is an asymmetry to love: women consider their relationship with their man as part (or all) of their purpose for being here, while men consider their mission as their purpose for being here. Rather than resisting this truth and trying to change it, women and men would do better to accept their polarities and realize that this is what creates the wonderful sexual energy between them.

With this in mind men can get over their commitment phobia by first accepting it as a natural aversion to constraint. Secondly they can understand that it is completely possible to love a woman dearly and still have a mission which drives them to be who they are. Men must take responsibility for knowing themselves and knowing their mission, and staying dedicated to it while being in a relationship. After all, this steadfastness and strength of character is what a woman really wants in a man. No woman can deeply respect and trust a man who would frivolously drop his mission. If he acts like that with his mission, why wouldn’t he also act like that with her?

Men need to find freedom within apparent constraint, and by their calmness, steadiness and strength, show that all limitation is an illusion. What better way to do this than by being with one woman?

The secret is that men can find freedom within a relationship …

Once a man has conquered his fear of being with one woman permanently, he must reassure her that he loves her deeply and is committed to working through the tough times with her. This builds tremendous trust and allows the man sufficient space to fulfill his mission while being in a relationship.

About the Author

Joel McDonaldJoel is an ordained minister, certified to perform wedding, civil union and vow renewal ceremonies in Hawaii. He would be honored to be part of your special ceremony, and loves the intimate and deep nature of the vow exchange and wedding ceremony, one of the most sacred and important moments of your life! Joel is a spiritual, non denominational minister who sees the truth in all religions, and would be happy to accommodate whatever kind of ceremony you desire. Joel incorporates Hawaiian elements into the event. He performs a Hawaiian Conch Shell Blessing before the ceremony, a Hawaiian Blessing after the ceremony, and is happy to do a pre-wedding vow consultation at no additional cost. He can send you sample wedding vows or help you write your own. He also offers the special Sand or Water Ceremony. Joel and Timory were blessed to have their wedding ceremony and reception (both planned by Aloha Ever After) on one of Kauai’s beautiful beaches at sunset. It was outrageously gorgeous!View all posts by Joel McDonald →

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